Wow five days since I last posted. I barely have time to think I have so much I need to do. I know taking time out for myself is vital for me its just finding time to do it 🙂
This week has been a little better than I have been lately. My mum has found out that the cancer has gone 🙂 *dances* yay! She is going to be ok for now! There is still a chance that it could come back for now she isn’t going to die! My dissertation for Uni is finally starting to become clearer and less scary for me 🙂
I think for me personally it isn’t to look at things as a big picture it is easier (and wiser) to break them down into small little goals that I know will be achievable even if I flare up. This is how I am getting through my work load, one little step at a time! I am learning not to push myself even when I want to go further. It is a big step for me and it might just be one that makes Uni achievable!
At the moment I am one happy person 🙂 I have come out of my depression phase, I thought it was never going to end. It actually got scarily close to me wanting to just give up on life. But here I am! Proof that if you stick at it and don’t give in then happiness is there! I do still have little depressing moment but then who doesn’t, I spend a majority of my life in uncomfortable pain of course im not going to be happy… But looking past the pain life is pretty good right now 🙂
So November 3rd is my younger brothers birthday! He was born still born and would have been 20 yesterday! I often sit and wonder how life would have been had he had a chance at life. When I was growing up I used to blame myself for him not meeting the family. I am not sure why but something in the back of my head told me it was all my fault.
I think having a still born baby must be one of the hardest things in life. Knowing that it is dead inside of you and you have to give birth to it knowing that you will never hear it cry, never see it smile or grow up. I remember a time when we went to visit his little grave. The weirdest thing happen. It was a lovely sunny day and the weather was beautiful. However as soon as we stepped into the graveyard it began to rain, not just light rain, it began to rain really hard and bounce on the ground. Yet for some reason we stayed there, we stayed in this rain for about 30 mins, as soon as we left the graveyard it became sunny again.
I like to think it was him saying hello, and letting us know he was watching over us.
I read something recently that explained a phenomenon that I’ve noticed for a good while now….that is why repetitive actions facilitate creativity and spirituality. Repetitiveness could be shaving, showering, swimming, walking, driving, needlepoint, embroidery, woodwork, painting, etc. For me as a kid I remember that mowing the lawn would give me rich times of reflection on my faith, my life and God.
It seems that the repetitive action satisfies the logical, left side of the brain. In a way, it lulls it into thinking that all is safe and in order because we’ve done this action before and there’s really nothing to it…..so carry on.
While your left side is distracted, it gives your creative and spiritual right brain a chance to roam around, stretch its legs, dream a bit and do its thing. You may have your own memories of new ideas coming to mind, forgotten people reappearing in…
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